My new ideology
Too bad for me, my first attempt almost became my last. it was a very horrible experience, one that turned out to be an opposite of what i thought I already knew.
It all started with reading books and wanting to practice. I had just graduated from secondary school and that meant, spending more time at home. it was a mitt and As the boredom increased, so were flowers growing around my idol mind, feeding me with ideas.
too many novels, I was beginning to loose focus of all that I needed to know. every time I went hunting for new reads, something inside of Me kept reminding itself even when I didn’t want to, that I was an adult and so therefore, I ought to be reading adult books and grooming my sexual life for right now, like my mother would say.
One of those regular days, I realized I had exhausted my reads and so I needed to borrow. Sarah, a neighbor’s daughter, she too was a fresh graduate from secondary school, but she wasn’t as lonely as I was. she was used to rendering services at her mom’s soft drinks shop and that always kept her away from the compound. Meanwhile, at any moment in time, she was home, she was my archive, always saving me.
It was on a hot afternoon, I had sighted her drying cloths outside, through the comfort of my room window. After a while, I quickly changed into a decent wear, good enough to exit my room or so I thought. in my mind, she was done with her chores and so i walked straight to the front door, knocking.
I seldom visit, most of the time we exchanged our collections in the open, the need to visit each other’s house wasn’t really necessary.
I knocked repeatedly, until her brother answered door and then went ahead to letting me know that, the young lady I had come to check on, was in the shower. “you can wait” he said, nicely and I didn’t hesitate, I walked right in, like someone who really needed to be saved.
He looked at me in a weird manner, then offered me a seat. he was holding a remote, while we both were starring towards a blank television screen. “I was seeing a program” he said, hope you don’t mind? I nodded to consent, holding my muscles.
He scratched his beard, then turned the TV back on. The so called program resumed, while I was trying to figure out what exactly I was watching with this dude, Sarah rushed out, wet and half covered in a white towel. “haven’t I asked you to stop watching porn in the living room” she yelled, in a disappointing manner.
I had no idea I had uncomfortable changed my sitting posture, while watching the drama play out. the next thing, she walked up to me and said ” sorry dear, just another pervert. I will get you some new books in a bit, you just wait a little more” she said, politely and welcoming. she actually smiled, I could feel the shift easily.
Not too long, she came out wearing a very angry look, like she had just beaten someone up mercilessly. she looked at me, then smiled. I felt the swing once again, and seriously, that was too fast and deceiving. she handed me the books and pleaded not to explain, so as not to ruin the surprise, I nodded in gratitude and fled the apartment in one bit.
From my house, I watched her leave the compound and that was almost her daily routine.
Day and night I soaked myself in passion and emotions of others. A few of the books I had received, comprised of uncensored erotic languages, too ambiguous to picture without a collective experience. A glimpse of what I had seen earlier but more of nothing I hadn’t seen, only heard. I needed to understand those sentences and so I decided to try searching for at least on porn site that wasn’t too serious.
Low and behold, my sudden frustrating network became active. I finally saw what I was looking for and that was the genesis of my coming nightmares.
After that moment, family internet subscriptions began to run out easily. I started watching more of the act, more than I was reading from a book.
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